September Post +
It’s September the first when I write this. I am sitting at McDonald right now, running away from my dormitory’s usual Friday Night meeting. Do not think about parties, though. It’s obviously a boring lecture and all. Why McDonald? Because I don’t know any other places that provide aircon and food. I am hungry as heck. This morning I ate nothing, not even mineral water. My late breakfast was around nine in the morning, because I had morning class. The breakfast was not even a good and proper meal. Well, it was proper, actually. It was cooked chicken with rice, but the portion was too small. Uh, maybe it was the average size, but then I was hungry at four o’clock and my head ached at five, so I decided to come to McDonald and eat.

My fingers are freezing when I typed this. I don’t even know whether they will kick me out of this place or not. I have two hours and a half until my laptop’s battery dies. This place doesn’t provide electricity sockets, sadly. If they kick me out, I will have to find another place to stop by.

Anyway, did I write August Post? I believe I did, but I think it was not a normal and usual post. It was a short story, isn’t it? So I took this run away opportunity to write down a post or two. My first intention was to write my short stories project, but, I can do it later.

I’ve been in university lately. Actually it was not that different with high school. I had a proper schedule, and got a lot of homework to do. The main thing that make it wasn’t too different with high school was the classes. I mean, my class’s break was only for a short period, so, why bother went back home when your next class was coming in two hours? So I spent a lot of time in uni doing nothing. When I wasn’t too lazy I would bring my laptop with me and used the wifi. Library was a good place to go because of the aircon, chairs with desks, and the wifi signal. Yesterday I browsed a lot of thing on tumblr, watched a lot of videos, and entertained myself with my laptop. It was a good time, lol.

My fingers are seriously freezing right now. But it’s okay. I like it that way, lol. I like it when my fingers turn white because of the cold weather. Cold because of aircon is also great too, hahahah.

And living in dorm is not that hard, though. Well, aside from those annoying meetings. I managed to do well (I think). I washed my own clothes! Lol, that is really an improvement. And also I washed the dishes as well. I ironed my own clothes… Oh my, I did really well (slapped).

I didn’t experienced homesick, though. Most of my non-local friends are homesick. They missed their home so bad. But I don’t. What a bad daughter. Maybe because I always feel like I’m living by myself since high school? The very different things are the money and meals. I can’t manage my money well in this first month! I hope I can limit my outcome this month.

But The Cursed Child is coming! I mean, I already messaged by Periplus’s staff about this book last month, I believe I already posted the screen capture of it in my instagram. And I decided to buy it this month.
Plus, Dan and Phil’s new book is coming this month too! Like, what the heck, why are they being so active? I don’t have money to buy it, please. I’m afraid they will do Asia Tour for TATINOF. Or for Dan and Phil Go Outside. Asia Tour, yes, please, but go to Jogjakarta instead of Jakarta, please? So I can see you here, lol. I believed they won’t do Asia Tour and go here, though.

Oh gosh, I want to buy extra sundae but the queue is too long; I can’t safely leave my laptop unattended in my table, don’t I? Let’s just wait for the shorter queue.

Let’s end this post right here! Because I want to start writing! Hopefully, my first semester in uni will going well. And I hope my friends will do well too!

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+ posted on 20160902 at 19:12
When I +
When I locked up my heart, I didn’t know when will I open it again. Maybe tomorrow, maybe later, maybe not. I throw away the key already, I didn’t see where it fell. Someone will find it and return it to me, or something will destroy it, and my heart will never be opened.

When I moved here, I told myself to do a different mindset. Challenge yourself, that’s what most people told us to do. I tried. But, then I felt like I’m faking it. It was not me. It was not Alice. And whenever that personality came up, the same question appeared again and again.

Is this what you want to be? A liar?


When I tried to join the flow, I always asked myself first. Was this okay? Was this sounded fake? I tried to ignore the voices, but, they were always helplessly there. The thought clouded my mind, and, before I knew it, I fell into a dark, twisted, and endless pit of consumption.

What ifs.

What if, what if we run away?

It’s Troye Sivan reference, if you don’t know.

When will I think I survived this life? I don’t know. Probably tomorrow, probably later, probably not. I didn’t want to be the same Alice I did back in high school, but, then, I didn’t want to be the fake Alice I did in high school too.

I laughed but frowned inside. I grinned but cried inside. Even when I wrote it down, it sounded disgusting.

When I thought I had friends, I didn’t. Maybe it was only on the beginning, but, I felt the same pattern I’ve done in high school. Maybe everything will change, maybe tomorrow, maybe later.

Maybe not.

Still, I’m blaming myself for throw away the key. I tried to find it, but I don’t even know where it fell down.

When I locked up my heart, I didn’t think I’ll regret it later. I didn’t want to be like this, but, at the same time I endured myself too much. I didn’t want to be hurt. I wanted to stay in my comfort zone. I was a coward. And always.

When I knew I couldn’t last long with this mindset, I tried to find the key harder. But, tears had blurred my eyes too much. When I tried to wipe it away, it wet my glasses.

When I wrote this, I knew this will be another four hundred words of my useless ramblings.

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+ posted on 20160818 at 14:53