So.

I really want to write about my early December holiday, but something else caught in my mind and I think the holiday thing can wait.

This is another crap of mine, haha, and I don't even sure I want to write this here.




So, is it wrong to not wanting for a change?

And please forget the grammar, thank you.

I am 17 years old now; everyone in my family speaks about my future; my future occupation, my future university, my future life. And, plus, they talk about maturing.

Mature is a qualitative thing, they can't be measured by scales. Each person in this world has the different opinion about maturing.

17 is the age which is considered as a mature age.
We can get our drive license, our identity card, and we can vote as well in this age.

At this point I don't even know what I'm going to write.

So, I am growing up, and everyone else is too. Everyone keep talking about the uni, about how their future life; well, I am excited about that too, but then suddenly it is like they are leaving me alone.

You don't understand what I mean, do you?

Someone said that when we grow up, we left our childishness, became more rational, didn't play around, and, once again, became maturer.

But what if I don't want to do that?

This particular friend said that they didn't interested in this thing anymore; and by this thing is the thing that we used to like.

Well, I know that someone can be bored with something, and I don't blame them for that.
It is just me, who suddenly feel like I am being left out and they shout: 'please, if you can't be a mature person, don't join us.'

I KNOW change is good, change is just a different perspective, change is needed. But everytime I tried to escape my comfort zone I failed.

Why everyone is changing, why everyone is leaving me, why?

Laugh out loud, I know that this is just some of my imagination but I can't help to think about this. This kind of thing is always eating me up and I don't know how to get rid of it.

It is NOT like they leave me, right? They are not. But I can't help to feel like that.

Let's use an example.

Let's said that I liked to play with dolls. (I am not)
And when I get older, everyone says that "Oh, please. Playing with dolls is just for kids! Grow up, will ya?"
But I don't want to dislike dolls, because it makes me happy and forget about my problems and helps me from stressed myself out.
But when you grow older, you can't just ignore what the world says about you, right? Like, in society, your talking skills are needed, otherwise you will have trouble with making friends. The world says "bitch please, if you can't talk to me, you better go."

And the world says playing with dolls is just for kids.

So, is it wrong to feels like the world is leaving me alone because I am not a kid anymore but I still like to play with dolls?

Some people will say, "Be yourself, be honest, don't think about what people say about you, as long as you are in the right way."
But it is very hard to do, you know. With this kind of anxiety, ignoring what people said will make it feels more lonely.

Plus, if your best friend who used to like playing dolls with you said: "Uh, I don't really like doll anymore, sorry." what will you do? What will you feel?

Well, each person has different way of thought, anyway.

So back to the topic, is it wrong to not wanting for a change? I mean, I can be more mature, but I don't want to leave my childhood liking, because it's what I like for a long time and abandon it is just doesn't feels right in my opinion.

In another word, I don't want to leave my comfort zone. In this case, it is not I am afraid for the changes, but I'm sure I will miss it a lot and I don't know if I can find another stress-relieve.

DONE.

I am so done with myself, to be honest, and I don't know how to change myself. I'm too lazy. /snorts/

Anyway, I make this post not to offend anyone, this is just my thought, I blame myself for this, not you.

I am upgrading my laptop to Windows 10 right now and I can't think straight.

Labels: fuck off, thought