To the person I used to love,

Perhaps it was no love. It was just some water to my thirst of attractive face, talent, and beautiful voice. I never really knew you; I barely hanging out with you in general. Perhaps I was just seeking for a replacement, a substitute, for what I also couldn’t get in the real life. So I choose you.

Maybe it was also me searching for some truth in myself. I like you, I fancy you, just to compare my feelings toward you to my feeling toward someone else. It was my fault in the first place that I used you as a try out. Eventually I fell for you as well.

It was just a silly game, a sweet and sour game of youth. I didn’t regret the feeling I had to you before. It gave me experience, harshly speaking; it gave me a sip of human sample in general. I blamed myself entirely of that; why did I tell my friend, why didn’t I just shut my mouth. However, if I didn’t tell my friend that I liked you, the rumour and the story would never exist. The unknown link that I’d sent you in your birthday would never be sent. The secret voice messages that your classmate sent to me would never happen.

Yet, I would be lying if I said I didn’t looking forward to see you in the future. When my friend randomly sent a picture of you hanging out with her one night, I would be lying if my heart didn’t skip a beat. I still like you, but I will be happier if you are with someone else and not me. To love you like that, I have learn that I actually care about someone else a lot. Not you. And it even leads up to the point where I actually say it to the person.

But, to the person I used to love,

It was nice to know you, really. Yesterday, I was just a new, sleek plastic bag that hadn’t been used. Then you filled me with a lot of things; with know-hows, with hatred, with loves. And, like how your long, slender fingers folded the bag after you threw away everything inside it, I am now the triangle-shaped plastic bag; still me, but in different shape.

Oh my god, why did I use plastic bag as the reference.

Jogja,

31-07-2017