I take 'talking' seriously, really. I don't know how to talk to people who I don't know too much -or should I say stranger? Nah, this is also including people who I don't chat with often.
The problem is, I think too much.
I don't mind helping my friend's works, really. Or cheer them up when they are sad, or solve their problems... But I think I have this thing with talking to people.
I'd rather spend my time to do the homeworks than tell people to.. to not fuck off with my friend.
I don't know... I don't know how to explain this jelly feelings, tho.
This gives a vibe that I don't want something to ruin my reputation, lol, but I swear, it's not that.
I just don't have the guts to fight people. Verbally, and physically, maybe? Words can speak louder than actions sometimes. I don't know, I don't know, and I'm sorry I can't help anything.
I think I just naturally a coward or something? I don't know.
Naturally awkward. Fine.

I don't want to be that friend who walks away when my friend gets into trouble, really :(
And now, knowing that I can't help my friend's problem because of my cowardness is bothering my mind.
I guess I can always spam the chatroom with tons of "I am sorry" stickers but, I think it will annoys everyone. And running here now is also one of my lack-of-courage.

It's only talk to the person who bothers her, really. But, then I think about how they will fight me back with their words, and how they will talk about that, and I just don't really want to run into another problem while solving problem. Okay, if you don't call this coward then what. I'm lacking of vocabulary here.
Because if I run into problem while solving problem, I will think about that again, and again, until it creates a knotty loop of negative-thinking of mine. Have I told you about how scared was I when my senior told me to do stuffs in angry tone? Lol, that's one of my high school nightmares and because of that I had an idea to not going to school for a week.
Blimey, Alice, what the heck have you done to yourself.

I love my friends enough to help their problems, really, but I'm not brave enough to jump out of my save-circle and making those depressing thoughts clouding my mind again :(
Sorry, I am really sorry.

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